


I'm going to eat my fucking hands

by YallKeepTakingTheGoodUsernames



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
Genre: Arson, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Like, Other, Sky (mentioned) - Freeform, War Crimes, hella war crimes, imtired, wtf are you doing wild omfgggg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27187042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YallKeepTakingTheGoodUsernames/pseuds/YallKeepTakingTheGoodUsernames
Summary: Time realizing how bad of an idea saving the world was.(my writing style is really scholarly in comparison to what I write about)((it's kinda embarrassing im ngl i know i have dry humor but this is ridiculous))
Relationships: Time & Wild (Linked Universe)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40
Collections: Linked Universe





	I'm going to eat my fucking hands

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read this, the majority of this was written over a year ago and I just didn't feel like finishing it so I didn't if there's a drastic change in writing style midway through this is the only explanation I will grace you with.

Time is done 

Like, seriously done. 

In all fairness though, everyone is done, but Time, Time is extra done. 

Unfortunately for the weathered leader of the nine main carriers of the triforce of courage, he hadn’t realized the chaos he was in for soon enough. 

Maybe he should have known that The Hero of the Wilds was a certified mess when the ghostly Zora princess, Mipha, was dragged in kicking and screaming as she was forced to revive the creature after his recent death via using a shock arrow in a lake, but alas, none of them carried the triforce of wisdom. Something Wild has proven time and time again in his endeavors as the hero of Hyrule, a title in which Time has tried to drop along with Wild and his seven other children.

Truly, Time should have expected his life to go in a downward spiral sooner, but strangely enough, he only knew that something was off entirely when Hylia herself came down from her home somewhere in the Hyrulian equivalent of hell to personally apologize to the disgruntled hero, exactly a day before The Hero of the Sky referred to Time as, “mom”. Doing so while explaining how Wild managed to set himself on fire in the Zora domain before simply saying, “I’m going to take a nap. Only wake me up if one of you is dying or dead.”

That was the last time Time was capable of producing tears as he sobs in anguish knowing the babysitter and his only responsible counterpart has finally given up. He wanted to plead for Sky to come back from his place of rest, a dark chamber placed somewhere in the ravine Wild had created days ago, testing his explosives with _Urbosa’s fury_ thrown into the mix. Urbosa’s fury has never been so real since the moment Mipha had to drag a dead Wild from the rubble of his camp to revive him against her will and better judgement. Time could almost _feel_ the warrior's divine rage, probably experiencing the same degree of "pissed off" as he once had before the emotion gave way to pure exasperation. Urbosa has always been documented as an infallible wall though so that could explain how her anger is still simmering to date

Somehow, Wild still managed to die during Sky’s nap. 

Somehow, Mipha also managed to force herself to heal the Hero of bullshit. 

Seven years later, Sky still is refusing to wake and Time is considering putting himself into a coma as well since it seemed to work well enough for the Skyward hero. 

Of course, at that moment, all Time could manage to do was simply sigh and wait for Mipha to finish shrieking at the gods themselves and proceed to whisper in her gentle voice how much she regrets loving Wild, causing Wild to proceed to revive himself from the sheer power of heartbreak and gasp loud enough to awaken Sky (but not loud enough to keep him awake) (cover your ears before you are deafened by the gasps of surprise from the audience) and then grasped at his heart as Mipha 2018 spidermanned out. It would be a pitiful sight if the exhausted old man standing next to the, once again not dead, hero of the Wilds wasn't more pitiful to look at. 

Time could almost say he felt bad but moments after the event played out, Wild quickly recovered from his shock and said with a tone of indifference, “I’m gonna go set things on fire now.” which Time reacted to by drop kicking the wild child into a tree. Wild responded by sitting in it out of spite for a few days following. 

Within the moments of which Wild was placed in the tree to the horrifying moment the tree burned down because Wild was bored, Wild managed to establish a small ecosystem stemming from the hundred year old grime matted in his hair. He also found himself getting adopted by a family of cuccos, creating a militia and conquering a village south of the castle. Wild didn’t do anything to change the government or anything, he just really scared the villagers and ate everything in sight. 

(This might come as a shock to you, brave three people reading this messily written anecdote of an old man’s descent into madness, but here's a fun fact: staying in a tree for days on end with nothing to eat but whatever is in the tree will either make you hungry or dead. As an expert in not being dead I will say this much, don’t solve this by waiting for one of the two options listed to happen, just get out of the tree you fucking neanderthal.)

Now not a single thing can manage to land a hit on Wild without a flurry of cuccos attacking, though Wild still manages to get himself killed regardless. 

(One day the rest of the Links decided to wrap Wild in a new creation of Wild’s Zelda, bubble wrap, to protect him. Out of spite, Wild ate the bubble wrap and died)

Time had, at one point, believed humans don’t have a resting emotion aside from just “being”, a complex emotion which quite simply doesn’t exist, a placeholder if you will. He believed this for years, that is, up until the disappointment never faded, only becoming stronger in specifically wild moments.(ba-dum tsss) This includes the moment that Wild stood over his now amputated arm still twitching on the ground and calmly stating that, “Tis but a scratch.” before promptly collapsing in a heap. 

Time agreed and went on with his day.

Legend has it that the Wild hero is still asleep. The only credible explanation being from the Hyrulian Queen, Zelda, herself. She simply stated, in her own words, this, "I don't know, he will probably wake up in a hundred years or something." 

Nobody is that lucky though so who knows. 

**Author's Note:**

> YEAH ALSO THAT ONE FIC I WAS WORKING ON ISNT DISCONTINUED OR ANYTHING IM JUST REALLY SAD AND HAVE NO MOTIVATION IM SORRYYYYYYY


End file.
